Loss of life is sudden and for sure. This is one of the most difficult phases in life and expressing sympathy on paper through a condolence letter is one of the difficult things to pen. It is hard to believe yet true that sympathetic words can lower the burden of a person in grief. Thus, the words used in a condolence letter should be used carefully. The person in grief may even keep it for years and read it often to overcome the sorrows.
Sending a handwritten note is preferable to a card as it serves 2 purposes. It allows us to share special memories and assures the reader that we took some effort to comfort him/her. A condolence letter has to be followed by a related phone call and the words must get used with care.
Tips To Write A Condolence Letter
Keep Yourself In Their Place To
Understand Their Pain
We might not be knowing the dead person
well. We can mention what good we have heard about the deceased one by others.
Also, we can focus on the receiver’s qualities more than describing the dead
one. Remembering our old pain might help us to understand theirs. Thus, we can
flow with the words and emotions in the letter. However, we just have to
understand their pain. We cannot compare one’s pain with another’s.
Avoid Using Harsh Words
This the basic point to remember.
‘Painful death,’ ‘suicide,’ ‘murder,’ ‘violence’ are some of the words to avoid
as the motive of the letter is to comfort someone. Avoid framing how the death
took place.
Length Of The Letter
The person whom we are writing must
already be going through a lot of mental pressure. So, writing a very long
letter will be hectic to read. A small condolence letter within 2 to 3 pages
will work. It should also be simple and easy to understand.
Decide Whether To Use Religious Words.
First, understand whether the reader
strongly believes in religion and advice accordingly. Don’t blame God by saying
“It is God’s will” or something like “It is planned by God,” as it indicates
that God has snatched someone from them. This may result in unnecessary anger.
Express Your Sympathy
Let the reader know that you aren’t
gossiping. Instead, you have written this to share his/her sorrows, decrease
his/her pain, and comfort him/her. Your genuine sympathy must be visible
through the letter.
But, avoid making assumptions. Wrong assumptions may create doubts for the reader and the reader may not trust us as expected.
Share Some Good Memories Associated With
The Deceased
This is applicable if we know something
about the deceased. Memories to be shared must be chosen in a manner such that
the reader will feel good and relaxed.
A Handwritten Letter Will Be Better
This indicates that you have taken some
efforts to think about the receiver of the letter. You want to share your
personal opinions. You arranged some time to write instead of just buying or
printing any card. Also, a handwritten letter doesn’t put a limit on our words
like a ready-made card. Writing through social media can be an option but it
cannot compete with the comfort provided by a handwritten letter.
Motivate The Reader
Though it is natural to grieve after
losing someone, one cannot remain in the same mental condition forever. One has
to move ahead as this is life. Thus, we should motivate the reader to be strong
and move on. It doesn’t mean that the deceased has to be forgotten. He/she will
always occupy a special place in our hearts. But people should not flow away
with their emotions.
Be direct and maintain a gentle tone because writing something indirectly will increase the complexity and this is not the time to make the reader think more.
End With Some Comforting Words
On one hand, people need some time
alone to overcome the sorrow of losing someone, but on the other hand, they may
need someone to comfort them. Thus, it becomes our duty to inform them that we
will be available if they wish to share their pain. A promise should be made
that can be fulfilled too.
The ending
words should reflect our support, care, affection, and sympathy. The affection
that was shown at the beginning of the letter must be shown at the ending too.
One may run out of words. Thus, online help may prove to be beneficial here.
Time To Write
Writing within 2 weeks of the death is
an ideal time. Writing later may result in digging up the wounds of the reader
in case if the reader has already moved on. Still, if the letter couldn’t be
sent within this time, we have to remember that, ‘it is never too late.’
A Sympathy Note
It is a shorter form of a condolence
letter. But it should provide the same outcomes as that of a condolence letter.
Examples Of
Condolence Letters:
Example 1:
A condolence letter to a friend who has lost his parent:
Example
2:
A condolence letter to a deceased employee’s spouse:
Conclusion
Writing a condolence letter is not an
easy task as it touches a sensitive topic and may affect the emotions of the
reader directly. However, it can be made easy by following certain rules and by
understanding the situation including the reader’s pain.
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